I refused, on the ground that I knew nothing
of French (also untrue). She assured me that if I would read the
play beforehand I should be in no difficulty. I was really touched
by her kindness, but the devil in me would not let me yield. I
missed the opportunity of seeing Rachel, just as I missed many other
opportunities of more importance. Oh! when I look back now over my
life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and
did not take, my heart is like to break. The curse for me has not
been plucking forbidden fruit, but the refusal of divine fruit
offered me by heavenly angels.
Mrs. A.'s circle of acquaintances widened during the two or three
years of my friendship with her. She often pressed me to meet them,
but I nearly always held back. I told her that I did not care for
mere acquaintances, and that certainly not more than one or two of
her visitors would shed a tear if they heard she was dead. 'To
possess one or two friends,' she said, 'who would weep at my
departure would be quite enough. It is as much as anybody ought to
demand, but you are mistaken in supposing that those who would not
break their hearts for us may not be of value, and even precious.
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