He realized for the first time that his
religious experiences had been little more than a reflection of those
of Philip. It was Ashe who had interested him in spiritual things, who
had led him into the church, who had practically determined for him
that he should become a priest. For the first time, and with profound
amazement, Maurice realized how completely his theological life had
been the growth of the mind of Ashe rather than of his own. The thought
brought with it a sense of weakness and self-contempt.
"Haven't I any strength of character?" he asked himself. "In everything
practical Phil has always relied on me. It was always Phil I cared for,
not the church."
Imperfectly as he was able to phrase it, Maurice was not in the end
without some reasonably clear conception of the fact that in his life
Philip had represented the feminine element. It was by love for his
friend that he had been led on. Now that his reason was fully awake
this emotional yielding to the thought of another was no longer
possible; now that his heart was filled with a passion for Berenice his
nature no longer responded to the appeal of the feminine in Ashe.
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