He was not without a proper pride,
however, and in his present frame of mind was ready to call it to his
aid. He bore a brave outward front. He resolved not to think of his
love; yet he was not without the hardly confessed hope that if he could
find the lost will he might be taking a step in the direction of the
realization of his desires. He tried to forget Berenice in the very
means he was taking to bring himself nearer to her.
He set out for Montfield one bright February day, amused at himself
for the difference in his attitude toward the world from the mere fact
that he had discarded the ecclesiastical garb. It gave him a fresh and
delightful sensation to be traveling on business in clothing like that
of other men. He had no longer any wish to be separated by his dress,
and thought with contemptuous amusement of the lurking self-
consciousness which had always attached itself in his mind to the fact
that he was in a costume apart. He realized now that he had from this
derived a certain satisfaction, half simple vanity and half the
gratification of his histrionic instinct. He felt as if he had been
like a child pleased to attract attention by a feather stuck in his
cap, or a toy sword girt at his side.
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