We
will speak of the matter again, when you have examined your heart more
carefully."
Maurice bowed and left the room in silence, his spirit hot within him.
That he should be denied had not entered his mind. He was now confused
by the conflict in his thoughts. To disobey would be equivalent to
nothing less than a defiance of the authority of the Father Superior.
To assert his right to decide this matter could only mean a resolve to
break away from the brotherhood altogether. He was hardly prepared for
a step so extreme; yet he could not but ask himself whether he were
willing to accept the conditions involved in remaining. He realized for
the first time what the vow of obedience meant. He had received the
slight sacrifices involved thus far in his novitiate as right and
proper; simple things which had marked his willingness to yield to the
authority which by his own choice was above him. Now he said to himself
that to continue this life was to become a mere puppet; to give up
independence and manhood itself.
On the other hand, he had not been bred in theological subtilties
without having come to see that the act cannot be judged without the
motive, and he had been more nearly touched by the words of Father
Frontford than he would have been willing to confess.
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