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Quiller-Couch, Arthur Thomas, Sir, 1863-1944

"The Astonishing History of Troy Town"


"Some two year arter, Lawyer Mennear tuk a corner out o' the
twenty-acred field--a little patch to the right o' the gate as you
went in--an' planted et wi' green peas. Six rows he planted, an'
beautiful peas, too, on'y the birds wudn' let mun ha' a chance.
Well, at las' th' ould man got mad, an' stuck me 'pon top o' the
hedge wi' a clapper to scare the birds away; 'sides which, to make
sure, he rigged up a scarecrow. 'Twas a lovely scarecrow: two
cross-sticks an' the varmer's own coat--'twas the coat he'd a-got
married in forty year afore. He gied et to me when the scarecrow had
done wi' et, an' the tails were so long as an Act o' Parlyment.
'Top o' this was a whackin' big turmut by way o' face, wi' a red
scarf round the neck--from Aunt Deb'rah's petticoat--an' wan o' th'
ould man's left-off wigs 'pon the crown, an' a high-poll hat, a bit
rusted wi' Sunday obsarvance, to finish. Did I say 'to finish'?
"Well, then, I said wrong. 'Cos jest when I'd a-rigged 'n up, down
comes Aunt Deb'rah an' cries out, 'Aw, Caleb, here be suthin' more!
Do 'ee fix et in, that's a dear; an' ef et don't scare away any bird
as iver flied, then,' says she, 'I'm wuss nor any bird'; an' wi' that
she opens her hand an' gies me the Lawyer's cast-off eye.
"So I outs wi' my pocket-knife an' digs a hole in the turmat face,
an' inside o' ten minnits there was the scarecrow finished off.


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