"But look here, liebchen,--is it true that while I had the light, I
didn't have it at all,--didn't know what it meant? Did I have to lose it
in order to get it? For isn't it _having_ a thing to understand it--more
than it's having it to really have it and not understand? See what I
mean? Those are some of the things circling around on the outside.
"Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I think the light was shut out that the
greater light might come. Sometimes I think we scientists haven't the
right line on the world at all. Why, Ernestine, sometimes I think it's
miles deeper than we ever dreamed! A hodge-podge--this letter. Like my
life, starting out one thing, and ending up another, or rather not ending
up anything at all--a going to pieces in the midst of my philosophy--a
not being sure of anything--a constant 'perhaps.'"
"I'm lonesome. I'm tired. I don't feel well. The old ladies would say I'm
'under the weather.' Why, I can't even keep feeling right when you're
away.
"I want you. I want you--here--now.
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