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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"The Man Upstairs and Other Stories"


'Show her in,' said the king, beaming.
The man-at-arms retired. Around the table the knights were struggling
into an upright position in their seats and twirling their moustaches.
Agravaine alone made no movement. He had been through this sort of
thing so often. What were distressed damsels to him? His whole
demeanour said, as plainly as if he had spoken the words, 'What's the
use?'
The crowd at the door parted, and through the opening came a figure at
the sight of whom the expectant faces of the knights turned pale with
consternation. For the new-comer was quite the plainest girl those
stately halls had ever seen. Possibly the only plain girl they had ever
seen, for no instance is recorded in our authorities of the existence
at that period of any such.
The knights gazed at her blankly. Those were the grand old days of
chivalry, when a thousand swords would leap from their scabbards to
protect defenceless woman, if she were beautiful. The present seemed
something in the nature of a special case, and nobody was quite certain
as to the correct procedure.
An awkward silence was broken by the king.
'Er--yes?' he said.
The damsel halted.
'Your majesty,' she cried, 'I am in distress. I crave help!'
'Just so,' said the king, uneasily, flashing an apprehensive glance at
the rows of perturbed faces before him.


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