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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"The Man Upstairs and Other Stories"


This time I think I am not so unsuccessful. I am, you understand,
young, 'andsome, sympathetic. In another two ticks I am about to seize
'er 'and and declare my passion.
But, before I can do so, Captain Bassett is announced.
I gaze at him as at unsuccessful rival. I am confident. I am conqueror.
Ah, I little know! It is in the moments of our highest 'ope, monsieur,
that we are destroyed.
Captain Bassett, he, too, 'as the air of the conqueror.
He has begun to speak.
'Miss 'Enderson,' he has said, 'I have once more the bally good news. I
rather fancy that I 'ave tracked down the missing Alexander, do you not
know?'
Miss Marion 'as cried cut with joy. But I am calm, for is not Alexander
already yesterday destroyed?
'It is like this,' he has resumed. 'I have thought to myself where is
lost cat most likely to be? And I have answered, "In the Cats' House."
I go this morning to the Cats' House, and there I see a cat which is
either lost Alexander or his living image. Exactly is he the same to
all appearances as the lost Alexander. But there is, when I try to
purchase 'im, some curious 'itch which they do not explain. They must
'ave time, they say, to consider. They cannot at once decide.'
'Why, what nonsense!' Miss Marion 'ave cried. 'If the cat is my cat,
surely then must they return 'im to me! Come,' she has said, 'let us
all three at once in a taxi-cab go to the Cats' House.


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