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Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville), 1881-1975

"The Man Upstairs and Other Stories"

I am like the
poet's mice and men whose best-kid schemes have gone away. I am
baffled. I am discouraged. I do not know what I shall do. I must find
another plan, but I do not know what.
How shall I remove the cat? Shall I kill 'im? No, for I might be
suspect.
Shall I 'ire someone to steal 'im? No, for my accomplice might betray
me.
Shall I myself steal 'im? Ah! that is better. That is a very good plan.
Soon I have it perfected, this plan. Listen, monsieur; it is as
follows. It is simple, but it is good. I will await my opportunity. I
will remove the cat secretly from the 'ouse. I will take him to an
office of the District Messenger Boys. I will order a messenger to
carry him at once to the Cats' House, and to request M. le Directeur
immediately to destroy him. It is a simple plan, but it is good.
I carry it through without a 'itch. It is not so difficult to secure
the cat. 'E is asleep in the drawing-room. There is nobody at hand. I
have in my bedroom a 'at-box which I have brought from Paris. I have
brought it with me to the drawing-room. I have placed in it the cat. I
have escaped from the 'ouse. The cat has uttered a cry, but none has
'eard. I have reached the office of the District Messenger Boys. I have
'anded over the cat in its box. The manager is courteous, sympathetic.


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