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Conrad, Joseph, 1857-1924

"A Personal Record"

Never had Rubicon been more blindly forded without invocation
to the gods, without fear of men.
That morning I got up from my breakfast, pushing the chair back, and
rang the bell violently, or perhaps I should say resolutely, or perhaps
I should say eagerly--I do not know. But manifestly it must have been
a special ring of the bell, a common sound made impressive, like the
ringing of a bell for the raising of the curtain upon a new scene.
It was an unusual thing for me to do. Generally, I dawdled over my
breakfast and I seldom took the trouble to ring the bell for the table
to be cleared away; but on that morning, for some reason hidden in the
general mysteriousness of the event, I did not dawdle. And yet I was
not in a hurry. I pulled the cord casually, and while the faint tinkling
somewhere down in the basement went on, I charged my pipe in the usual
way and I looked for the match-box with glances distraught indeed,
but exhibiting, I am ready to swear, no signs of a fine frenzy. I was
composed enough to perceive after some considerable time the match-box
lying there on the mantelpiece right under my nose. And all this was
beautifully and safely usual. Before I had thrown down the match my
landlady's daughter appeared with her calm, pale face and an inquisitive
look, in the doorway.


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