'I con-sider,' said Mr. Weller, 'that the rail is unconstitootional
and an inwaser o' priwileges, and I should wery much like to know
what that 'ere old Carter as once stood up for our liberties and
wun 'em too, - I should like to know wot he vould say, if he wos
alive now, to Englishmen being locked up vith widders, or with
anybody again their wills. Wot a old Carter would have said, a old
Coachman may say, and I as-sert that in that pint o' view alone,
the rail is an inwaser. As to the comfort, vere's the comfort o'
sittin' in a harm-cheer lookin' at brick walls or heaps o' mud,
never comin' to a public-house, never seein' a glass o' ale, never
goin' through a pike, never meetin' a change o' no kind (horses or
othervise), but alvays comin' to a place, ven you come to one at
all, the wery picter o' the last, vith the same p'leesemen standing
about, the same blessed old bell a ringin', the same unfort'nate
people standing behind the bars, a waitin' to be let in; and
everythin' the same except the name, vich is wrote up in the same
sized letters as the last name, and vith the same colours. As to
the Honour and dignity o' travellin', vere can that be vithout a
coachman; and wot's the rail to sich coachmen and guards as is
sometimes forced to go by it, but a outrage and a insult? As to
the pace, wot sort o' pace do you think I, Tony Veller, could have
kept a coach goin' at, for five hundred thousand pound a mile, paid
in adwance afore the coach was on the road? And as to the ingein,
- a nasty, wheezin', creakin', gaspin', puffin', bustin' monster,
alvays out o' breath, vith a shiny green-and-gold back, like a
unpleasant beetle in that 'ere gas magnifier, - as to the ingein as
is alvays a pourin' out red-hot coals at night, and black smoke in
the day, the sensiblest thing it does, in my opinion, is, ven
there's somethin' in the vay, and it sets up that 'ere frightful
scream vich seems to say, "Now here's two hundred and forty
passengers in the wery greatest extremity o' danger, and here's
their two hundred and forty screams in vun!"'
By this time I began to fear that my friends would be rendered
impatient by my protracted absence.
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